Balamb Garden Gets A Visitor
by Cat Alex
Summary: A musical comedy in which many strange occurances... occur and the author inadvertantly ends up in her own terrible story. A guarantee of either laughter or confusion... perhaps even both.
1. ACT ONE: Unusual Occurrences

Balamb Garden Gets A Visitor (Musical/Play)

_By Cat Alex (who also features)_

ACT ONE: Unusual Occurrences

_In which the author inserts herself into the story, _

_quite a few canon characters break into song, _

_hotdogs are mourned and _

_Irvine misinterprets the situation_

_Rinoa looks out over the luscious landscape with a broad smile upon her face from a balcony. She can't believe what a happy ending she got with Squall. She turns and a flock of doves soar into the sky behind her. She prepares for a song…(cue poorly written, slow paced and witted, _Could It Get Any Better?_ NO)_

Rinoa:Could it get any better?

The sun upon my face,

And a love letter,

I can cherish and embrace?

_She stretches her arms out and twirls around, the sun shining on her as if she were an angel. The doves fly around (apparently with the joy of it all) and make a pretty backdrop for our ex-heroine._

Rinoa:I have Squall,

And he loves me,

He's still not very droll,

But I'll change him you'll see!

**Chorus:**I'm not sure it could get any better,

My life is working out to the letter,

I have fun all day,

Keep crazy Zell at bay,

And now I'm running out of things to say!

Rinoa:Could it get any better?

My singing is anyway,

I'm a singing trend setter,

And now I'm having my say!

_Squall walks in and she stops the song and looks embarrassed. Here we revert to a 'normal' play._

Squall: Rin, there could be a hitch in our plans for happiness.

Rinoa: Oh no! What!

Squall: The cafeteria. Something's happening!

_The two sprint off and it fades to black. We are left in the dark, when a single spotlight falls onto a certain blond haired man who laments hotdogs. Cue Zell, folks!_

Zell: I can't believe of all the cafeterias in all the world you had to appear in mine…

_He tuts and shakes his head in remorse, presumably for the lost hotdogs, before standing in a stance that braces us for singing. Roll in the tune for the equally poor song, _Oh, Where Art Thou Hotdogs? _He looks around forlornly for his precious hotdogs. (Think of a dramatic, heavy handed piano number)_

Zell: The hotdogs! The hotdogs!

Why were they so cruel to take them!

My hotdogs! My hotdogs?

The jewel of my eyes, my gem!

My soul is torn in two!

How could you be so cruel!

As to take a mans pride and joy?

In the form of such an unusual ploy!

_Poor Zell sinks into a memory of the event. The music becomes gentler and sad._

A mysterious portal appeared…

It was a swirling mass of colours,

So beautiful and weird!

But stole my hotdogs and caused intense fervours!

_He becomes quiet and crouches on the ground, shaking his head as if the memory is too much for his brain. He becomes rather dramatic and passionate. _

Zell:_(chorus) _It itches in my brain!

It's driving me insane!

I must, I must avenge my hotdogs!

Who would've thought this would of happened…

I'll never take you for granted again…

But now you are gone,

You are driving me INSANE!

_He can't seem to take reliving the memory anymore, so gets up and runs off as the lights turn on to reveal he was standing in the cafeteria. He rushes past Squall and Rinoa who have just arrived on the scene. _

_(Revert back to play)_

Rinoa: Wow, this must of really hit Zell hard, huh?

Squall: _(gravely)_ He was quite…upset, but he'll get over it. I'm far more concerned with the swirling portal of light right now.

_Rinoa peers closer. The portal is a spiralling mass of bluish colours that has settled where the hotdogs used to be, making it impossible to access them._

Rinoa: I wonder where it goes?

_Squall shrugs and picks up a chair to poke through it as Irvine and Selphie arrive on the scene with worry on their faces._

Irvine: Hey guys, Nida told us about the whole deal.

Selphie: I can't believe he was just eating his lunch then, BOOM, a big old swirly-thing appears for, like, no reason!

Rinoa: I know, how weird is that?

_At this point, the portal makes a worrying noise as Squall feeds the chair into it. The chair spirals into the light and disappears. The portal changes from a mix of blues, silvers and white to more purplish colours and the crew back away. It makes some static noises and faint sounds can be heard from it as follows:_

_Thump sound as chair hits the beyond._

Voice: Ow! What the-?

_Rustling sounds and curses muttered._

Voice: Where the hell did these things come fro- whoaaaaAAARRRGGGHHHH!

_Distinct sucking noises are heard and the portal turns to more reddish colours and spits a girl out onto the cafeteria floor._

Girl: Owww, I am NOT inclined to do that again!

_Girl looks around._

Girl: Oh no, where am I!

_Squall steps forward and offers the girl a hand up, which she gratefully takes and stands unsteadily._

Squall: You're in Balamb Garden. I'm Squall. Who are you?

_Girls eyebrows shoot through the roof in shock and she stares at the landscape in awe._

Girl: Bloody Hell, I'm in Final Fantasy VIII! No f'ing way!

_Rinoa stares at the girl funnily._

Rinoa: What is that accent? You sound so strange…

_The girl gathers her marbles and eyeballs, shoving them all back into her head and looks at the group in total awe._

Girl: I- I was writing about you guys. You were going to be a sort of musical… I, uh, my name is Cat Alex – call me Cat, or Alex, whatever you please. Cataplexy if you feel like it…

_Cat is staring dreamily at the group she was recently writing about like they were aliens while Selphie ponders Cat's comments._

Selphie: What kind of a name is Cat Alex?

Cat: Well, honestly…it's an odd story actually. Cat Alex is short for Catherine Alexandria, which is my Saints Day. The twenty-fifth of November is St. Catherine of Alexandria's day, 'cept I think she got booted off the Saints calendar coz they didn't think she really was a Saint…

Selphie: Yeah, yeah, fascinating, Cat. So, how do you know who we are to write about us? I haven't seen you wandering around here like a stalker.

Irvine: Yeah, what the hell is 'Final Fantasy eight'?

_Cat gets worried about their reaction, but takes a deep breath._

Cat: Well, from where I come from, which definitely isn't this world but a place called Earth –

I live in England - you lot are all a game we can play which is part of a whole series of games called Final Fantasy. I decided to write a musical fanfic about you guys when I got sucked into that portal after getting hit with a chair.

Rinoa: Hey, so that's why I was singing today! I thought that was odd…

_Light dawns in Squalls eyes._

Squall: Wait, you could _control_ us from your computer? What the Hell?

_Cat thinks about it._

Cat: Man, this is confusing! Uh, maybe we're inside my computer, or fanfic file? Perhaps the portal joined with the alternate universe which was here and somehow caused my fanfic to affect it? Who knows!

_Cat gets panicky and begins to pace while fiddling incessantly with her hands._

Cat: _(muttering)_ I was supposed to write in another few numbers…

_The group leave her alone and gather in a huddle.(All whisper at this point)_

Squall: So what do you think?

Rinoa: I think she's nuts, but on to something.

Selphie: I'm with Rinoa. She could of created us or something!

_Squall looks at the frenetic Cat pacing, fidgeting, twitching and muttering to herself._

Squall: Well, I hope not, because she doesn't look much cop as a creator.

Irvine: If what she's saying is right though, we'll probably stop singing. If she's here, she can't write anymore songs for us to sing, right Rinny?

Rinoa: Right. The song she gave me wasn't so bad, though…

Selphie: Rin! Why would you _want_ to sing songs right now! We have to deal with this Cat girl!

Irvine: Can't we just shove her back into the gateway?

_They all look to the portal to see it's turned a putrid mix of greens, as if it was ominously signalling the group to not even think about it. They re-huddle._

Squall: Looks like 'no' right now. Well, best we can do is give her a room and begin to deal with the problem.

Irvine: I getcha. By 'room' you mean a holding room. And by 'deal with the problem' you mean… (_lifts a finger to his temple in a gun shape and pulls the figurative trigger, making a gunshot sound_)

_Selphie promptly hits him in the head with a small, but powerful, fist._

Selphie: Irvine! She's not an enemy or something! You're being totally mean to someone we don't even know. She seems nice enough.

Rinoa: Yeah, I agree with Selphie. Let's just put her up for the night while we come up with a plan.

_Selphie and Rinoa high-five while Squall looks distinctly annoyed._

Squall: Rinoa, this isn't the Timber Owls. We're not going to huddle in some corner of Garden and come up with some hackneyed plan that's only going to lead to more trouble than, say, Irvine's simple but ultimately messy and flawed plan.

_Rinoa first looks shocked, then scowls vehemently and flounces off, making sure she swishes her hair so it smacks Squall in the face. Squall looks vaguely perturbed and looks at the other two. Selphie averts his gaze and follows Rinoa._

Squall: What? I was only being honest. We said we would be honest with each other and… share feelings and… things.

Irvine: Dude, lemme tell you. There are certain kinds of honesty. And the kind of honesty you just employed was the bad kind. You blew it, man. You better hope she really loves you and you're prepared to beg a bunch otherwise…

_Irvine shrugs, his eyebrows almost comically raised before leaving Squall to take a seat on a cafeteria chair and ponder his actions. Cat sidles over and looks uncomfortable._

Cat: Um, can I sit here?

Squall: (_looking into space)_ Whatever.

_Cat takes this for a 'sure' and sits down, but still looks on edge, her eyes wandering around the cafeteria like a hunted animal._

Cat: … I could write it so you patched it up all good again.

Squall: …

Cat: It… it would sound bad on paper, but here it would be awesome. If I could go back… (_she sighs heavily_)

Squall: …

Squall: (_lifts head and looks at Cat in passing_) If it doesn't change colour by tomorrow, do you want to risk going through?

_Cat fidgets for a minute before facing Squall with a more resolution._

Cat: Yes. I want to go home. This place is cool and all with magic and all you guys but… my laptop's been left on and my parents might think I've run away. I'll risk it. Then I'll patch you're story up and Rinoa will talk to you again.

Squall: …

Cat: Well… I'll head to the dormitory – I already know my way around here. Be cool to have at look around at the real deal. I'll ask Dr. Kadowaki where to stay over for the night or whatever. Uh, bye.

_She scurries off, leaving Squall to ponder alone._

Squall: … This feeling…

Could it truly be love?

Every fibre in my being,

Yearns to be accepted.

_Squall frowns as the misstep at the end that doesn't rhyme with love and stands, walking toward the swirling portal and frowning._

Squall:This device,

It is the cause of this singing,

Such a vice,

I truly despise.

_He frowns again the ending that fails to run in a regular rhyming pattern and shakes his head, as if to escape from mind control._

Squall: (_murmurs_) What are you making me do?

Squall: (_grasps head and shakes his head_) What are you making me do!

_Squall steps out of the song _What Is This Feeling, a_nd storms away, covering his mouth lest another note exits his mouth. _

_Fade to Black_

**AN:** Just a quick note to say the formatting doesn't quite work out here - there are tab indents in the songs, but they on't show up here, so if it looks a little odd, I apologise, but there's nothing to be done. I hope you enjoy part one of three of this strange tale!


	2. ACT TWO: Sending Her Back

ACT TWO: Sending Her Back

_In which they force the author to return to an omnipotent being,_

_Squall attempts to placate Rinoa,_

_Zell still laments,_

_And Irvine talks to Quistis while she ignores him_

_A day has passed and it's another bright and breezy day for Balamb Garden. Balamb Garden is a hubbub of chattering as the news about the cafeteria's swirly-thing spreads like wildfire. No-one is allowed into the cafeteria in the meantime and are instead eating salvaged scraps in the Quad. The only people allowed to enter the cafeteria are the Saviours of the World and Dr. Kadowaki. Dr. Kadowaki has examined the portal to no conclusion and doesn't know what the risks of putting Cat back through it are. _

_Meanwhile outside Rinoa's room…_

Squall: Rinoa, you're being childish. Come out of there and let's talk.

Rinoa: (_from behind the door_) No! Go away!

_Squall sighs heavily and bangs his head against Rinoa's door as Irvine walks by. _

Irvine: Hey there, Squall. How's it going?

Squall: … Don't ask.

Irvine: (_scratches his head, tipping his hat forward_) That bad, huh? I gotta make things up with Selphie. She's still kinda mad at me for suggesting we kill that Cat girl. (_he leans closer and says quietly_) It would save us a lot of questions and trouble, though.

_With a charming smile and a wave, Irvine departs. Squall is left to pound uselessly on Rinoa's door before giving up and heading to his office. It fades to black and a spotlight comes on and we're once more treated to a Zell lament. He is sitting on the floor cross-legged and is shaking his head and rubbing his tattoo restlessly._

Zell: Why…? Why did it have to be the cafeteria? I… it's been (_checks watch_) thirty-two hours since my last one. I can't handle another day without them!

_He sighs, still rubbing his tattoo and begins to softly sing_ My Best Friend

Zell: My best friend,

The one on which I could rely…

A fate which my heart cannot mend,

It is gone and I can't deny…

**Chorus:**Hotdogs were my best friend!

Without them I am at the end!

And to contend with my heart,

The pain stabs me like a dart!

_But the pain is too much. Shaking his head, he stands and walks away, leaving the spotlight. It shuts off and instead the lights turn on to reveal the infirmary. In it is Quistis, who is sitting and doing some paperwork. Irvine enters, looking sorry for himself. However, Quistis pays him no mind._

Irvine: Hey, Quistis. I know you're keeping Selphie hidden away somewhere. I need to speak to her – I need to make this up with her!

_Quistis completely ignores him. If her gaze has to shift from papers to elsewhere, she makes a point to pass a blank gaze through him. This only serves to make Irvine mad._

Irvine: Fine! I'll go looking for her myself! (_muttered_) One lousy death threat and this is the treatment you receive…

_He stalks out and Quistis immediately straightens and heads over to the left sickbay, pulling the curtain back._

Quistis: He's gone, Selphie. It's safe to come out.

_Selphie emerges and sits on a counter, angrily swinging her legs while Quistis sits back behind the desk once more._

Selphie: I just can't believe he would say things like that! Baddies are fine for blowing to smithereens, but potentially innocent people – that's just wrong!

Quistis: Calm down or you'll end up kicking a hole in the wall. And I promised Dr. Kadowaki to keep this place running smoothly while she kept up the portal investigation.

Selphie: Where is that Cat girl?

Quistis: I'm not sure. Last I heard she was trying to get a weapon as a memento of her journey and defeat things in the Training Centre.

Selphie: Um, what level is she?

Quistis: No idea. 'Civilian'?

Selphie: …Then isn't that a little dangerous for her to be there?

Quistis: Someone probably accompanied her.

Selphie: And if they didn't?

_Quistis thinks for a moment. The lights fade for a moment and a spotlight comes on her and another behind her. In the spotlight behind stands Cat with a gunblade in hand, fighting gloves on, nunchaku slung over a shoulder, a pinwheel fastened to a wrist and a gun in a holster at her waist, along with a whip._

Cat: Awesome! This rocks! I'm so killing things!

_A T-Rexaur promptly smacks her with its tail and sends her flying out of the spotlight. The scene returns to normal, but with Selphie watching Quistis with a look of concern._

Selphie: Are you alright?

Quistis: I think we should send someone down.

_The lights fade out to signal a scene change and we go to… Irvine walking along the corridors. He stops a passing SeeD student._

Irvine: Hey, have you seen a short cute brunette in yellow around here?

_The student shakes his head and carries on, leaving Irvine looking annoyed. He keeps walking._

Irvine: I've been almost everywhere! The library, training centre – dunno what that screaming was about – the car park, the dormitories, the quad, the cafeteria, even all the upstairs classes and offices. I haven't walked this much since we looked for that headmaster dude… wait… unless… Quistis wouldn't… DAMMIT!

_With his sudden realisation, he runs off and the lights fade again. The scene before us fades in to reveal the Training Centre. In it Cat is running and screaming, heading toward the secret area where student come after curfew to talk… or whatever else they might get up to. Behind her a T-Rexaur is chasing, its massive feet pounding on the ground. The vibrations could rattle teeth. On Cat's body is a whole host of weapons – in fact pretty much what Quistis imagined her to get a hold of – but they are useless in the hands of an untrained civilian. So instead of being well protected, she is instead weighed down by them._

Cat: Oh, for the love of God! This is my story! I want to be saved, dammit! Save meeeee!

_She promptly runs into a tree and is out cold on the ground. The T-Rexaur halts just in front of her, preparing to eat her, we assume, when…_

Seifer: Stop right there! A female fangirl in trouble! I must save her. I don't know what suddenly compelled me to reveal myself and save this girl, but I shall. It feels like the right thing to do. Now – take that!

_He proceeds to dispatch the T-Rexaur with ease, then looks down at the body of both the monster and Cat. A sudden urge seems to grip him and he clears his throat. The song _The Life of a Rebel_ begins. Fill in your own tune – it's on the rock side._

Seifer:I've lived a life of darkness,

An enemy to the state,

My life turned to a mess,

And the hate seemed never to abate.

_He paused to pick Cat up and head out of the Training Centre. He hums the tune for a bit, before a frown slowly overcomes his face._

Seifer: What in the hell was I singing?

_He departs off the stage (?), swinging Cat from the heroic holding the girl in his arms to dumping her over a shoulder, smacking her head into another tree along the way and we return to the infirmary. Quistis looks concerned while Selphie looks up as Irvine rushes into the room._

Irvine: Selphie! I'm sorry – I'm so sorry! I ran all over Garden looking for you, until I realised Quistis had duped me. But, Selphie, please… I just wasn't thinking. I'm sure she's a nice person. Really.

Selphie: I know you didn't mean it, you goof. I just wanted you to admit you were in the wrong. I forgive you.

Irvine: Excellent. Yeah, I'm glad we're cool, you know? (_tries to act cool and not desperate anymore_)

Quistis: We have to go to the Training Centre. If Cat really is there…

Seifer: No need. Been there, done that, got the chick.

Quistis: What happened! And what are you doing here?

Seifer: The usual. I was wandering outside Garden, thinking about trying to re-enrol, when I had a sudden urge to go to the Training Centre. When I got there, I saw her lying knocked out on the ground and a T-Rexaur about to eat her. And despite the fact I would usually enjoy seeing how that situation would turn out, I felt oddly compelled to help her. And sing.

Selphie: She controls us, or something! So be careful!

Seifer: I'll do what I want, munchkin, so shut up.

Irvine: Hey, don't talk to her like that!

Seifer: I'll talk how I want, pretty boy.

Quistis: Everyone, quiet! Seifer – put her down in a sickbay. Irvine – go get Dr. Kadowaki, she should be in the cafeteria. And Selphie… just stay with me and we'll try and do our best to treat Cat in the meantime.

_With Quistis in charge, everyone jumps to attention and does what they're told. Except Seifer, who dumps Cat on the floor, knocking her head again. Selphie smacks his in the arm and he promptly smacks her upside the head, making her whinge. Quistis begins to remove her whip and Seifer grumbles._

Seifer: Save it for the bedroom.

_Quistis looks extremely offended, but retracts her weapon. Seifer takes Cat into the sickbay while Selphie rubs the back of her head and hunts for some medical supplies, opening random cabinets._

Selphie: This is such a lame day…

_We fade once more and the scene changes to…the cafeteria. It is later as all the group are together, including Cat. Cat's head is bandaged up and looking distinctly groggy. Seifer is standing to the side, looking surly. Squall and Rinoa are next to each other, but both making a point of not looking at one another, heads held high. Irvine and Selphie are at the complete opposite, standing arm in arm and looking fairly chipper. Quistis looks her usual neat formal self. And lastly Zell, looking both morbid (at the lack of hotdogs) and hopeful (at the prospect that the swirly portal may soon be gone and he can have hotdogs once more)._

Squall: Cat Alex, it's time for you to return from where you came from. As Commander of Garden, I apologise for some of your treatment during your stay. And I won't account for your theft of a host of weaponry, since you won't be returning.

Cat: (_still groggy and little ticked _off) I had no money and I needed a souvenir!

Squall: Whatever. As a gift I was suggested to present you…

_Squall clearly looking deeply annoyed while Selphie gives him a minor kick._

Squall: We're making you an honorary SeeD. Not that it matters, since your going to back to wherever you came from –

_He is summarily kicked this time by a scowling Rinoa, who immediately smiles when all eyes turn on her._

Rinoa: (_through gritted _teeth) If Selphie can do it, then so can I.

Cat: Um, thank you. That's awesome! (quiets) So… I guess this is goodbye.

_She moves toward Seifer, who is making a point of staring over her head._

Cat: Sorry, Seifer, for dragging you into this story. You can leave and… do whatever you were doing before.

_He grunts, arms crossed. Cat nods with a small smile and moves to Squall and Rinoa, who are still pretending the other doesn't exist._

Cat: I was telling the truth when I said I could patch this up all good again. When I return, I'll do that. So don't worry. Squall, it was cool meeting a fangirl's dream guy. And Rinoa… I'm glad you defended me and wanted to put me up for the night, instead to locking me up and maybe even killing me. Appreciated.

_A smile is tugging at Rinoa's lips, who peeks at Cat and gives a nod. Squall is still rather stoic, but formally holds out a hand, which Cat shakes. She then moves on to Irvine or Selphie, each with a farewell smile on their faces._

Cat: Irvine, its okay that you wanted to put me in a holding cell and kill me. Somewhere in my world, I probably wrote that as part of your character. Or something. Anyway, bye.

Irvine: (_takes off his hat and bows)_ Always a pleasure to meet a lady.

_Cat grins before facing Selphie._

Cat: You will never know how cool it was to meet you Selphie. You weren't a hyperactive lunatic like most people portray you. You were a cool person.

_Selphie gives a room lighting smile and hugs Cat._

Selphie: Get home safe.

_Cat nods and moves over to Quistis._

Cat: Thank you for taking care of me when I banged my head… repeatedly. And you're not the cold person people think you are.

Quistis: It's alright. Be safe.

_Cat turns her attention to Zell, off to the side and looking ready to cry._

Cat: I'll get the hotdogs back. I promise.

_Zell brightens, eyes sparkling with renewed vigour at the promise and Cat gives a chuckle before moving to the portal. The portal isn't putrid green anymore, but now a swirl of red and orange._

Cat: Well, goodbye, folks!

_With one last look she jumps and is sucked into the portal with a yell, the portal makes a whine before slowly shrinking, and then silence._

Seifer: Thank Hyne Ms. Feelgood is gone. Thought I was gonna puke. I'm outta here.

_With a scowl, he stalks out of the cafeteria, sword on shoulder. Occasionally he jerks forward at students to scare them and gives bellows of laughter when they run scared._

Squall: I guess that's that. We can reopen the caferteria.

Zell: OHHHH YEAAAAHHH! ALRIGHT! THE HOTDOGS ARE BACK!

_He runs to the hotdog section without pause, leaving the others where they stand._

Quistis: I suppose that's that.

Selphie: And now she's all powerful again!

Irvine: I sure she was just a deluded maniac.

Selphie: Irvine!

Irvine: Kidding, kidding! … (_softly_) Mostly.

Squall: All we can do is wait and pray we don't sing again.

Irvine: I hear ya… not that I sung.

_Music starts up in the background and people from the entire caferteria look up. Irvine looks bewildered, but Squall is in the zone. He immediately starts sprinting._

Squall: You are not getting me!

_Fade to Black_

6


	3. ACT THREE: A Happy Ending

AN: Thank you for your reviews - they have very much been appreciated. This is the final part of this story. I hope you enjoy it!

ACT THREE: A Happy Ending

_In which a happy ending ensues,_

_Squall thinks of a way of apologising,_

_Zell eats his bodyweight in hotdogs,_

_And a resolution is achieved._

_It's been quiet for the past day since the portal debacle had been sorted out. Despite his claims, Seifer is still hanging around Garden. Squall, still out of Rinoa's favour, is too tired to even bother dealing with the potential menace and so allows him to remain. Irvine and Selphie are happy, Quistis is working (as usual), and as for Zell…_

Zell: More! I need more!

Cafeteria Woman: Mr. Dincht, you'll kill yourself if you carry on!

Zell: You can't die of hotdog consumption! It's too… delicious!

CW: (_resigned_) It's your grave, Mr. Dincht…

Zell: Damn straight! Now… come to me, my pretties…

_Zell promptly grabs the next tray of hotdogs and begins munching. His belt appears to be straining somewhat, but if he notices, he doesn't care. Music is fading in, chipper '_Return of my Beloved_'._

Zell: (_swallows_) My hotdogs have returned,

And my heart is filled with joy,

Before, my soul was burned,

Heart churned and absent.

Zell: (_frowning_) … No time for singing… gotta… eat…

_The music is persistent, and Zell finds his mouth half moving to the words as he's eating. His song is mangled around half-eaten hotdog and the sight isn't pretty. Cafeteria staff start to back away as Zell fights with his own body, which is attempting to dance. Irvine enters and halts some distance from Zell, whose arms are outstretched, but his head is straining to take a bite from a hotdog in one hand._

Irvine: Everyone sings but me… I've got a good voice…

_Irvine frowns, feeling distinctly left out and turns on his heel. He leaves Zell to his tormented fate. We fade out of the cafeteria and fade in to Squall walking around the Garden grounds. The area around Balamb Garden was used to train students in the field, and Squall is supposed to be checking the teaching is fine. Instead he is caught up in his thoughts, something not uncommon for him after nearly an entire lifetime of introversion. _

Squall: Rinoa… why aren't you as forgiving as Selphie...? What am I supposed to do?

_He shakes his head, wishing there was something he could do. _

Squall: A love letter? No, too… stupid. Find her and just apologise? No, she won't see me. Begging? Well… nothing short of begging is going to work…

_He keeps walking, barely keeping track of where he is going. A frown begins to form._

Squall: That strange Cat girl had said that she would 'patch it up all good again', but I haven't seen any attempts to make everything better…

_Music begins and Squall looks surprised._

Squall: Oh, no. No, I didn't mean like that! I won't do it!

_He runs once more, but simply ends up conveniently becoming exhausted underneath Rinoa's balcony. Meanwhile, Rinoa is in her room doodling little Squalls and putting little gunblades through them. _

Rinoa: Man, I'm bored. You'd think stabbing Squall over and over again would never get boring, but…

_She stretches and yawns._

Rinoa: Think I'll get some fresh air.

_She walks out onto the balcony and peers down. Her eyes widen at the sight of Squall tussling with himself. Music is playing in the air and Squall falls to his knees. He looks up at Rinoa, his eyes pain-filled._

Squall:I have said some things in the past,

Things that I regret in my heart,

Please let me raise the mast,

The mast of my love.

**Chrous:**The mast of love,

Sails the sea of pain,

To forgive is to forget,

Never forget me.

_Squall has an expression of getting ready to be sick at what is coming out of his mouth. From high up, it looks to Rinoa like the two of them falling out is severely upsetting him, and she is touched. A smile breaks out on her face and Squall swallows his pride and lets the song sweep him away._

Squall:Will you return to me at last?

Let us go back to the start?

Please let me raise the mast,

The mast of my love.

**Chrous:**The mast of love,

Sails the sea of pain,

To forgive is to forget,

Never forget me.

Rinoa: Aw, Squall! I forgive you! I'll let you raise the mast of your love! It could be our new thing!

_The music begins to fade and Squall is relieved. Her forgiveness is pleasing to him, but the idea of love mast raising as their 'new thing' sends his stomach flopping in a sickening way once more. He bravely grins and bears it, getting off his knees and fixing a painful grin on his face._

Squall: Can I come up?

Rinoa: Of course you can, silly! My mast of love is raised!

Squall: … (_deadpan_) Yeah.

_He strolls off hurriedly, ignoring the two classes of students (instructors included) who have been watching him in horrified awe for the past five minutes, and goes back into Garden. The students shake themselves out of their fixed looks of horror and face their instructors once more._

Instructor Grayson: (_warily_) Now kids… that just didn't happen, alright?

Students: (_nodding a little too eagerly_) Yes, Instructor Grayson.

_All parties seem content to live in denial and return to lesson. We fade out and hear voices._

Voice: I can't believe what he did…

Voice Two: If the stupid boy hadn't done it, he wouldn't have to have this done.

Voice: Well, after such a withdrawal, I suppose he just went crazy.

Voice Two: I shouldn't treat him as punishment, but I did take a legal-bound oath, so…

_The light fades in to reveal the Infirmary. The first voice is revealed to be Quistis, while Voice Two belongs to Doctor Kadowaki. Zell is lying on a bed, clutching his stomach and groaning._

Zell: I'm sorry… I just… had to eat them. They were staring at me.

Quistis: Oh, Zell. You always were a silly boy.

Zell: And you… were on… a high horse.

Quistis: (frowning) Doctor, can I hit him.

Dr K: Go ahead.

_Quistis smacks in the direction of Zell's stomach, and Zell attempts to defend himself._

Zell: Please… not the stomach… I'll die…

Quistis: Well you should have thought of that before insulting one of your caregivers.

Zell: Since when did you become a nurse, or doctor, or whatever?

Quistis: I thought it would be an interesting side project. Being an instructor didn't work out, so I decided to try this instead.

Zell: Your bed manner sucks.

_She hits him again and Zell groans._

Zell: I'm sorry! Mercy!

_Quistis laughs a little evilly and we fade out once more. When the lights come on again, we are in the Quad. Selphie is decorating the stage and area around it like a lunatic. There is a whole team of people working around her, decorating, putting tables out and practising with instruments. Irvine is standing amongst the bustle, in awe._

Irvine: This is fantastic! What's the occasion?

Selphie: It's a party celebrating the anniversary of us saving the world, silly!

Irvine: Oh, yeah. That would be around this time, huh?

Selphie: Uh huh. I guess that Cat business did distract us a little. Her and the swirly thing both.

Irvine: What can I do to help?

Selphie: (_thinks_) Um… Start by stopping Seifer spying on us. He's starting to freak me out. And then hand these flyers out and put these posters up everywhere.

_She thrusts an inhuman amount of paper at Irvine, who stumbles, but holds onto the paper for all he's worth. He knows it wouldn't be worth his life to drop them, or ruin them in any circumstance._

Irvine: In that order? It's gonna be pretty hard to stop the guy, unless I paper cut him to death, or something.

Selphie: I haven't got time! You could get help… I've gotta go and prepare. Everything has to be PERFECT!

_Selphie scurries off and leave Irvine looking bewildered. He surreptitiously sidles over to an unsuspecting helper and thrusts the mountain of paper into their arms._

Helper: Ahhh!

Irvine: You _do_ want to put up posters and hand out flyers? Thank you so much!

_He promptly runs away and the helper falls backwards, the paper drowning her. Irvine heads out the main entrance and heads over to beside the Quad where Seifer is hanging around._

Irvine: So Selphie was right.

Seifer: Wahh--- Oh, its you. What do you want?

Irvine: I want you to stop spying on Garden.

Seifer: I'm not spying on Garden. I'm spying on---

_He falls silent and Irvine gives him a questioning look, to which Seifer does not respond. Instead, Seifer swings his Hyperion onto a shoulder and scowls._

Irvine: Well, you're up to something, so either tell me and I'll decide whether I should shoot you, or don't and I get to shoot you anyway. It's rather win-win for me, huh?

Seifer: (_sighs_) I was just thinking about rejoining Garden, that's all.

Irvine: So, who were you spying on?

Seifer: (_deadly_) No-one.

Irvine: Hmm… I'll let it slide. So, are you coming and try re-enrolling, or gonna chicken out?

Seifer: I'm no chicken! Get out of the way!

_Seifer pushes past Irvine, who smirks, and marches away toward Garden. As Seifer storms along, he pulls out a photograph. It's badly taken, but you can make out that its Selphie ordering people about._

Seifer: (_softly growled_) God, I hate loving strong women…

_Irvine follows Seifer and the lights fade again. Time moves on and its now the evening. We're back in the Quad and beautiful fairy lights trail all over the place like a hyperactive child (or yellow dress wearing girl?) has thrown them about. The stage is the grand centre of the display, where various Garden bands are preparing to play. Squall is lounging off to the side with a drink in hand and Rinoa by his side, who is delighted with the action. _

Rinoa: (_half-serious, half-teasing_) So, the mast of your love raised?

Squall: (_death glare_) Don't. Go. There.

_Selphie is practically bouncing off the walls, running around making sure everything is fine while Irvine trails behind her. _

Irvine: (_mutters_) I knew I should have feigned sickness.

Selphie: Come on Irvine, we've got to make sure the bar is properly stocked!

_Irvine perks up a little and follows, walking past Quistis and Zell. Quistis is dressed nicely, a peach dress swaying softly in the breeze and her hair down. She is grudgingly looking after Zell, who is sitting in a wheelchair staring longingly off to the buffet where hotdogs are being served. _

Zell: Do you think---

Quistis: (_interrupting_) No.

Zell: Aw, but---

Quistis: You say anything else to that effect and you're going straight back to infirmary with more than what already is wrong with you.

Zell: (_grumbles_) Okay.

_There's a silence, each looking out at the dancing and milling crowd of students._

Zell: So, why's Seifer here?

Quistis: Considering he's barely taken his eyes off Selphie…

Zell: No way! Does Irvine know?

Quistis: Would Seifer be alive if he did?

_Zell nods thoughtfully, but still eyes the buffet table. Quistis sighs and goes to get hotdogs for the blond. _

Zell: Thank you!

_Everyone seems happy, save Seifer, who looks distinctly stalker-ish. His eyes are following Selphie's antics while he drinks fairly heavily. He's leaning against a wall, not unlike Squall, and his gunblade isn't on him for once._

Seifer: (_muttered_) If I don't show myself for my true worth, she'll never respect me…

_A Garden band takes the fore on the stage and start to play. Rinoa pulls a reluctant Squall to in front of the stage to dance. Irvine does likewise with Selphie, getting her to stop worrying for five minutes. Even Quistis is having a little dance of her own while Zell sits eating a plate of hotdogs that rests on his lap. Only Seifer watches on._

Crowd:So we come to the end,

Of this story,

No more songs to sing,

Just glory.

_The crowd seems discontent with the nonsensical lyrics, but carry on dancing and being happy. The end is nigh and the scene fades. A spotlight comes on and shows Cat sitting at her laptop, happily typing away._

Cat: I told him I'd patch it up all good.

_The light fades and we are left with a happy ending; Squall and Rinoa are back together, Irvine and Selphie are happy, Quistis is enjoying herself and how can Zell not when he is in the possession of hotdogs? Even Seifer is on his way to potential happiness. And even Cat is happy, because she got back to her own reality and finished her story. _

_The End_


End file.
